(Laughter)
(MJ knocks over a pile of books)
MJ: Ugh. Sorry Mrs. Beaks.
Miriam: That's okay, MJ. We'll take care of it.
Miriam: Hey, Bartleburt, I know it's the end of you shift, but you mind shoving the books in the return bin?
(MJ throws popcorn into the book return bin)
Miriam: Honey, that's for books, not the garbage.
MJ: Sorry, Mrs. Beaks.
Miriam: Hey, I know it's been busy lately, but we'll get this place cleaned up.
Bartleburt: Well, that's the nature of the beast, but I love it.
Miriam: Oh-ho, Bartleburt.
(Harvey, Fee, and Foo all walk through the door)
Harvey: Mom! Mom! Mom! Mom! Mom! Did! My! Book! Come! In?
Miriam: No. Budget cuts.
Harvey: What?
Miriam: Just kidding.
Harvey: Detective Dirk. He's on the case.
Harvey: Thanks, Mom. Yeah!
Harvey: (Accidentally runs through Bartleburt) Whoops. Sorry, Bartleburt.
Bartleburt: Ha ha. No problem, Harvey.
Fee: Wh--wh--What the-- Why the heck is there a ghost in the library?
Fee: (Panting)
(Air horn sounds)
Fee: Attention all library nerds and Foo. You're in terrible danger. Run! Run for the exit! Push each other down if you have to.
(All of the kids are running and screaming)
Fee: You're all gonna die! This is not a drill.
Harvey: What's going on?
Fee: Take this pan. If he comes at you, just whack him between the eyes.
Harvey: Who?
(Harvey and Fee look at Bartleburt)
Fee: Look at him, hunting for his next victim.
Bartleburt: Hmm, I think this goes in the biography section. Yeah.
Harvey: That's just Bartleburt. He works here.
Fee: What? What moron would hire a ghost?
Harvey: Hey, my mom hired him.
Fee: Wait. Foo is still out there. I got to warn him!
Foo: (Snoring)
Fee: Wake up, Foo! It's a ghost!
(Foo Screams)
Fee: Run faster, or he'll catch you!
(Foo Screams)
Bartleburt:
Bartleburt: Kid, are you okay?
Bartleburt: Ah, what was that?
Fee: Die, monster!
Bartleburt: Hey. I just organized those, you know.
Fee: Go haunt some other place.
Bartleburt: How dare you?
Bartleburt: What--whoa.
(Fee grunting while trying to hit Bartleburt with a stick)
Bartleburt: All right, give me that.
Fee: He's got my stick. The ghost is going crazy with my stick.
Bartleburt: That's it. This was supposed to be a tolerant environment.
Miriam: Bartleburt, where are you going?
Bartleburt: I'm sorry for that outburst, Miriam, but I deserve better treatment than this. I quit.
(Miriam and Harvey gasp)
MJ: Sorry, Mrs. Beaks.
Fee: Crisis is over, folks. Go about your business. I saved us.
Miriam: Fee, that was disappointing.
Miriam (on phone): Irving, I'm going to have to work late again tonight.
Harvey: Um, Fee, that was pretty mean what you did back there.
Fee: What, with that ghost? Ghosts don't have feelings.
Harvey: I think you went too far this time. Maybe you should just go to Rotbark and apologize to Bartleburt.
Fee: What? If I go there, I will die. It's science, Harvey.
Harvey: It's not science. It's manners.
Fee: Fine, I'll go, but the ghost will eat me, and then you'll see I was right.
(Spooky music)
(Fee arrives in Rotbark and sees many tree spirits)
(Fee gulps)
(Dog sniffing and barking)
Fee: All y'all stay back! I know karate.
Fee: Hi-yah! Huh! Huh!
Carol: Sweetie, is that the child you were telling me about?
Bartleburt: (Sighs) Yes, it's her. I'm going out there, Carol. Get the hose ready.
Bartleburt: What do you want?
Fee: Look, I'm supposed to ask you to come back.
Bartleburt: So? Go and ask me.
Fee: I don't really wanna.
Bartleburt: What? What is your problem with me?
Fee: You're a creepy ghost.
Bartleburt: (Sighs) You know, we prefer the term "tree spirit." And so what if I am?
Fee: Well, you eat kids' faces and stuff.
Bartleburt: I what? You ignorant child. You have no idea what being a tree spirit is like, don't do you? Well, I think it's time you get a little education.
Fee: What? No! I hate education.
Bartleburt: The wheels on the bus go round and round, (Echoing) round and round, round and round. (Bartleburt puts his finger on Fee's forehead while there's magical shimmering)
Fee: Ugh, what happened?
Bartleburt: Uh, that's much better.
(Fee finds out that she has been turned into a tree spirit)
Fee: Wait. What the-- Oh, my gosh. What'd you do to me?
(Scene cuts to Harvey's house)
Foo: Okay, read the next chapter.
Harvey: Let's see. "Pete knew the culprit couldn't be Becky. After all, she was crowned homecoming queen."
(Fee tapping at the window)
Fee: Harvey? Foo? You guys in there?
Foo: Hi, Fee.
Harvey: Did you apologize? Fee, did you apologize?
Fee: I got to show you something, and you have to promise not to be scared.
Harvey: Uh, I scare easily, so I'm not good at making that promise.
Fee: Just cover your eyes for a sec.
Harvey: All tight. They're covered.
Fee: Harvey, you cover Foo's eyes, too. He's a peeker.
Foo: Heh heh. Guilty.
Harvey: Okay, come on in.
Fee: Just don't freak out.
Foo: Whoa. You look different.
Harvey: You didn't apologize, did you?
Fee: No, and I'm not gonna, especially 'cause that jerk Bartleburt turned me into this. I understand if you don't want to hang around me no more, me being a scary ghost and all.
Foo: I don't think you're scary.
Harvey: Yeah. Not anymore than usual.
Fee: Aren't you afraid I'll eat your face and poop it in the woods?
Foo: Do you feel like eating my face?
Fee: Hmm. No, not really. I just feel like me but more floaty.
Foo: No matter what you look like, you're still my sister. Give me a hug.
Fee: Thanks, Foo.
(Both laughing)
Harvey: So are you going to apologize to Bartleburt?
Fee: Yeah. I'm gonna go do that. Not. I mean, look at me. I can fly and go through walls. It's time to go have some fun.
Foo: Yeah!
Foo: Okay, finish the story.
(Fee laughs evilly)
Dade: Kratz, you can't go to sleep yet. We're supposed to tell each other scary stories.
Kratz: I don't know any scary stories. I do know a story about a fish. He's not really scary, just kind of grumpy.
Fee: Ooh!
Dade: Ah! Who is that?
Fee: You don't want to know.
(Fee laughs)
Dade: I'm scared. I told you we should've brought my mom.
Kratz: Dade, look! (Fee's arm comes through the tent)
(Dade and Kratz wailing)
Fee: You two-- Um...oh, oh! You two... (Dade and Kratz shuddering) Have to--have to... Sniff each other's armpits.
Dade: What? W-Why?
Kratz: Dade, I think we should just do it. I mean, the ghost told us to.
(Fee laughs)
Dade: Ugh, okay. Sorry Kratz. (Dade raises his arm)
Kratz: I'm so sorry. (Kratz raises his arm, then Dade and Kratz begin coming close to each other)
Fee: Stop, stop, stop. (Fee laughs) Oh, man, I can't believe you were actually gonna do it. Well, anyway, I'll haunt you forever. Bye.
Kratz: (Sighs) That was close. Crazy things can happen when you go camping.
Dade: Stop talking, Kratz.
Rock creature: (munching on a leaf while looking up at Fee flying over to the library) Hmm?
Fee: I should go show Miriam my new look. (Fee looks at the library and sees Miriam stresses out from running the library)
Miriam: It's been a long day, Miriam, but you did it. You ran the entire library by yourself. (Miriam puts her on a bookshelf) Oh, I miss Bartleburt. Oh, Fee.
Fee: Oh, boy. I really messed things up. If only there was some sort of sign of what I'm supposed to do. (Fee looks at a bunch of books scrambled across the floor) "Saying you're sorry." "Your words are hurtful." Hmm. "Penguin can count to 10." If a stupid penguin can count to ten, then I can figure this out.
(Scene cuts to Bartleburt's house)
Carol: How long are you gonna keep doing that?
Bartleburt: Food doesn't organize itself, Carol.
Carol: Honey, maybe it's time to look for another job.
Bartleburt: Another job? But I just-- I just miss the library.
Carol: I know, pooky. I know.
(Scene cuts to outside Bartleburt's house)
Fee: All right. Time to bring out the big guns. (Fee puts a letter under Bartleburt's door)
Bartleburt: Hmm, what's this? (Bartleburt picks up the letter; the front of the letter reads "For Bartulbrt") Aww. Look at her childish scrawl. Maybe I was too harsh on her. (Bartleburt opens the letter) "Eat my barf"? (Bartleburt opens the door) I will not eat your barf!
Fee: Uh-oh. I haven't learned anything. Better come catch me.
Bartleburt: Oh, I will catch you. Get back here! (Bartleburt starts chasing Fee)
(Bartleburt chases Fee into the library)
Bartleburt: Whoa. (shot shows the library all cleaned) The library. It's so perfect. (shot goes to a cake that spells out a message) "Please come back." Aww.
Fee: Bartleburt, I've been a real jerk to you. It turns out I was the monster, not you. Who would've guessed. I mean, look at your dumb sweater. It's totally creepazoid material, no offense. I guess what I'm trying to say is, I'm sorry.
(Miriam walks through the door)
Miriam: Bartleburt, you're back?
Bartleburt: Um, well--
Fee: Yup. I got him to come back. Right, Bartleburt? Please?
Bartleburt: (Sighs) Yeah, Miriam. I'm coming back to work.
Miriam: Oh, that's fantastic!
Bartleburt: Yeah, in fact, Fee even volunteered to work at the library with me for the next week. Isn't that right, Fee?
Fee: (Chuckles) Yep. Um, Bartleburt, could you turn me back to normal? Well, I don't mean "normal" as in if I were a tree spirit is abnormal. I just--
Bartleburt: Yeah, yeah, it's all right. Don't dwell on it, yeah. (Bartleburt puts his finger on Fee's forehead while there's magical shimmering)
(The scene shifts to the next day as Harvey and Foo walk through the library door)
Harvey: Mom, Mom! We can't find Fee!
Fee: Oh, hey, dudes.
Foo: Hey you're back to normal.
Foo: Hey, hey, mister, I'm not afraid of ghosts anymore. My sister was one, so I get it. I'm cool.
Bartleburt: Hmm.
Harvey: So I guess everything worked out. Fee's no longer a tree spirit, Bartleburt came back to the library, and I helped solve the mystery of Coach Maloney's missing whistle.
(Miriam, Bartleburt, Fee, and Foo all look at Harvey)
Harvey: What? I finished my book.
(all four laugh as the camera pans out of the library)
Tree spirit: Boo!