Certified Babysitter/Transcript

(The episode starts at the babysitting certification class)

(Tara climbs down a tree with her kids)

Tara: Let's pick up the pace, I only got ten minutes.

(Tara walks to the kids gettting graduated)

Tara: Kids, go play in that ditch or something, Mommy's working.

(The kids run away)

Tara: (deep breath) Welcome to your final babysitting certification class. I will be going around and grading each of you on your ability to care for the practise baby dolls I signed you last week. (Pulls out a large acorn with a face stuck on) Also I've had four minutes of sleep since Tuesday.

(Scene cuts to Kratz, who's doll is broken. Tara walks over to him)

Tara: Whatcha got for me?

Kratz: OK, so I know it looks broken... because it is, but stairs are really tricky.

Tara: Listen. Sweetie. Rule number one: Your baby needs to at least SURVIVE. Sorry, can't ceritfy ya.

Kratz: (drops pieces) Of course.

(Tara walks to Dade, who has a box with headphones on it)

Tara: Alright, Dade. Where's your practise baby?

Dade: It's right here in this safe space I made it to protect it from evil. And look, these headphones, they play calming clarinet music. I play the clarinet.

(The bottom of the box bursts open, and Tara's kids fall out and run away with the practise baby)

Dade: ARGGH! (drops box) ARGHH! HEY! How'd those things get in there?

Tara: McKenzie, Taylor! You bring this poor kid's baby down right now!

(She walks over to Harvey)

Tara: OK, Harvey, I've got literally thirty seconds left. Go.